Charles Harmon

 

NOTCHES IN YOUR GUN

 

Every man has some notches in his gun

unless he doesn’t have a gun

or never had any fun…

We brag about the notches and the

size of our guns— “I’ve got a big one!”

Notches show off how many times we scored

with a Cougar Ruger, Bush Master,

Floozy Uzi, Glock Cock or Holster Coltster….

 

But sometimes it’s the imaginary notches not made

of which we are most aware.

Don’t you remember that girl back in high school

who got away, fantasize about what might have been?

Times you struck out, didn’t even get to first base?

Opportunities missed, rejection, hesitation, reserve…

often for the best, breathe a sigh of relief—

“Thank God I left her alone! Turned out she’s a bitch!

Coulda got stuck with brats, alimony, child support!”

or just avoided STDs, fights, arrests, lost friendships….

 

It’s not just about sex…

military pilots tally planes shot down, bombing runs

athletes keep score, big games won by Mr. TD

home runs, prize money, batting averages, KOs…

lottery winnings, making a million, buying

Apple or Bitcoin at two bucks, now a gazillion.

Sometimes it’s just showing off, the fantasy vacation

trophy wife, private island, megabucks mansion,

lifestyles of the rich and famous…

yeah, let’s face it—it’s all about sex!

 

It’s in our genes, it’s in our jeans

but the creature in our pants doesn’t have to

be a monster, it can be a friendly gentle dragon

with a creative as well as a procreative spirit…

be an Einstein—not a Swinestein!

the gun can be a lifesaving tool

as well as a destructive weapon.

So some say happiness is a warm gun

or at least hot love objects…

Brando’s last tango in Paris was Jeanne’s happiness…

 

It’s the phantom notches I care about

the ones hard earned I can’t even talk about

and to me it’s all about love—

the times we’ve been to heaven I only share

with my wife, low profile, I wear my labels

inside my clothes, carry my firearm concealed….

 

 

LOVE OBJECTS IN MIRROR

 

CAUTION: love objects in mirror may be closer than they appear

while driving so always look over your shoulder in your blind spot

to avoid accidents and embarrassing near misses with love objects.

 

WARNING: love objects in mirror may appear longer than they

really are, shorter or broader or bigger or smaller, especially if it’s

a funhouse convex or concave mirror that distorts images in a

tantalizing manner. They may even appear upside down, although

this could be that those in the back seat are making out like crazy.

 

DANGER: lust objects in the ceiling mirror reflecting from the

big bouncing bed may actually be at risk of falling glass if they

shake, rattle, and roll the bed too much. Is it love or sex? Or do you

just love sex? And at this point, really, what difference does it make?

Well, it might make your butt appear bigger, growing like Buttcoin.

 

BEWARE: love objects reflected in the disco ball may appear to be

dancing, but with the flashing strobe lights in the darkness, loud music,

drinking and drugs, it could just be wild things doing the wild thing.

Getting jiggy, but this ain’t no Irish jig, although the jig may be up.